Recognizing Domestic Violence/Abuse

Domestic Abuse is about control. It can manifest in a variety of ways, many of which are not physical in nature. There are also additional distinctions for population subsets such as teens and the LGBTQ+ community. Below are some, but not all, of the common signs that abuse is occurring:

• Physical Abuse -- Hair pulling, hitting, punching, slapping, choking, throwing objects, using weapons, deprivation of food or sleep, prevents you seeking medical attention or contacting emergency services such as law enforcement, harms children or pets, and forces the use of drugs or alcohol.

• Psychological or Emotional Abuse -- Threatening to harm other family members or pets, damaging your personal belongings, isolating you from work or friends, extreme jealousy or possessive attitude, humiliating you in front of others, accusations of infidelity, blaming you for their abuse or infidelity, and attempting to control what one wears such as clothes and makeup.

• Stalking -- Using social media to track your activities, leaving unwanted gifts, showing up unannounced to home or work, spreading rumors and gossip about you, lurking at places where you spend time, using others to "spy" on you by using other people's social media log-ons.

• Economic/Financial Abuse -- Depositing your paycheck into an account that you don't have access, preventing you from viewing or accessing bank accounts, maxing out credit cards and not paying bills to ruin your credit score, giving you an allowance and then closely monitoring it such as demanding receipts for all purchases, refusing to provide money for necessary items such as food clothing and transportation, living in the household and refusing to contribute to expenses, and preventing you from working or getting you fired from jobs.

• Sexual Abuse -- Forcing you to dress in a manner that you are not comfortable with, choking or restraining you during sex without your consent, hurting you with weapons or objects during sex, force or manipulate into having sex or performing sexual acts especially when sick or physically injured, involving other people in your sexual activities against your will, forcing you to watch or make pornography, forcing you to become pregnant, and intentionally giving you or attempting to give you a sexually transmitted infection.

Special Considerations for Population Sub-Sets

LGBTQ+ Community

Abuse occurs in the LGBTQ+ community at roughly the same rate as it does in the heterosexual population and in many similar ways. However, there are certain forms of abuse and barriers to seeking support that do not exist in the heterosexual population. These are generally the result of prejudices based on sexual orientation or gender expression.

• Fear of isolation from family or community based on their prejudice. Abusive partners will use this to increase your dependence on them and/or limit your ability to access support. If you have not come out publicly, or belong to a religious community, traditional family, or oppressive home environment, fear of what will happen when you reveal your identity can be an obstacle to seeking help. Depending on social circumstances, a small or close LGBTQ+ community could make you feel more isolated if you fear that you will not get support because your abuser is popular.

• Shame or embarrassment around your identity as a result of internalized homophobia. Abusers will often exert power by using insults, failing to respect chosen pronouns, dead naming you, shaming you for the way you like to have sex, or threatening to out you to others.

• Fear of not receiving services because of discrimination or stereotypes. Abusers may try to convince you that you will not be supported if you seek assistance.

Source: www.thehotline.org

Teens and Dating Violence

According to the CDC dating violence the physical, sexual, or psychological/emotional violence within a dating relationship. An unhealthy relationship can start early and last a lifetime. Teen dating violence often starts as teasing or name calling. This can be thought to be "normal" in a relationship, however it is not and can often lead to serious abuse such as physical or sexual assault. Roughly 1 in 3 teens report being the victim of physical, sexual, or emotional violence at the hands of their dating partner.

Signs of an unhealthy relationship:

• Your BF/GF calls you names or humiliates you in front of others or when alone

• Your BF/GF gets extremely jealous when you are talking with friends, even when it's completely innocent

• You apologize and make excuses for your BF/GF behavior

• Your BF/GF checks your phone or email without permission

• Your BF/GF loses his/her temper or breaks things when angry

• You constantly worry about making your BF/GF angry

• Your BF/GF doesn't want you to have any personal time to spend alone with friends or family

• Your BF/GF pressures you to have sex

Source: Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence